#noel edmond's house party

[unusualmuffin-art]

Anyone likes Mr Blobby 💕✨️?

[the-lightless-flame]

'NIGEL DICKERSON' FROM TV??? IS THIS A FUCKING. ALT UNIVERSE VERSION OF NOEL EDMONDS??? WHAT

MR BONZO ALSO CANONICALLY HAD HIS OWN TV SHOW??? WAS HE ON NOELS HOUSE PARTY OR WAS THIS LIKE THE WEIRD ASS VHS MOVIES

HAS MR BONZO TOPPED THE UK SINGLES CHARTS????

[chrisbarrielover]

Chris Barrie as Gordon Brittas visiting Noel Edmonds. From Noel’s house party

[bracketsoffear]

Rock-A-Hoola Waterpark "From Atlas Obscura: Located in Newberry Springs, California, the "Fun Spot of the Desert" is now a haunting ruin, and a reminder that putting a water park in a desert is a bad idea. While the original spot, the manmade Lake Dolores, ran successfully from the 1960s to 1990, the 1998 renovation into the 1950s-esque Rock-A-Hoola only lasted about a year before a disastrous accident that left an employee paraplegic doomed them. Since closing, the faux-50s architecture and waterslides have faded and broken under the unrelenting Mojave sun. vandals and scavengers have damaged most of the buildings and signs, but they still stand, rusting away like some time lost ruin.

Both the '50s style and the hubris of putting a water park in a desert contribute to the Extinction-ness of this site."

Crinkley Bottom/Blobbyland "A series of theme parks inspired by the fictional village from the tv show Noel's House Party to capitalize on the popularity of Mr Blobby. The first park, located in Cricket St Thomas in Somerset, was based around an existing wildlife park and the Cricket House country estate. The Crinkley Bottom park was based around Mr Blobby with a Blobby-themed house called "Dunblobbin" being the main attraction. After Noel Edmonds backed out of the park, the park was rebranded, though it didn't last long until it was closed down and sealed off in 1997. In the 2000s, urban explorers rediscovered the abandoned Dunblobbin' house which led to more people returning to Cricket St Thomas to see it. The owners of the land initially blocked off the site, eventually demolishing Dunblobbin' in 2014 due to vandalism and the holding of illegal raves.

Another locale was in Morecambe, Lancashire. The Morecambe council wanted something to boost tourism so they signed a deal with Noel Edmonds to build a Blobby theme park. Poor planning and negligence resulted in the ruin of the town's main natural park, and even more so, the ruin of tourism in Morecambe altogether. More info on this park can be found in this video"

[rosiewitchescottage]

If anyone doesn't know. The top picture is from a BBC Saturday Evening Variety Show called Noel's House Party.

It ran from 1991 to 1999. It was silly and tongue in cheek. Just the sort of thing for families to view together.

Noel Edmonds started out as a BBC Radio DJ. In the 80s, he was the presenter of a children's BBC Saturday morning show called Noel Edmonds Swap Shop that was wildly popular.

It wasn't long before Saturday mornings became Saturday evening.

The monstrosity beside him is his side kick, Mr Blobby.

(I still have a towel with Mr Blobby on it that my Mum bought in the 90s. It's tatty as heck by now. But sentimental value.)

Taskmaster s17e3, Spoilers Without Context

[starbug]

[yourfavedrinksbathwater]

Mr. Blobby from Noel’s House Party drinks bathwater!

Requested by: anonymous

[katastrophentourismus]

Google mal Blobbyland. Versuche nicht zu schreien.

E̶̯̐̆͛̒̀i̷̡̟̒́n̶͉͈̱̬̫̋͗̑͝͝ ̵̢͍͕̬̝̋S̸̩̟̟͑p̷̧̩̭̱̂̊̄̒̈́a̵͈͚͆̊̑͋͠ß̶̨̝̱͉́̔͛̾̎ ̵̹̊̐f̵̮̀͠ǚ̸̧͔̍̽́̕r̶͈̠̚ ̶̧̢̯̊̓͜͝ͅd̶͓̞̑͊̐̀͠ỉ̴̘̥̪͔̪̈́̏͂e̴̫̦͌͋ ̵̢̜́̋́̅̈́g̷͉͑a̷̘̘̭͗n̵̫͚̩͒z̷̹̱̲͋e̸̥͊̽ ̴͓͚̠̉́̈́͘F̵̱̅̈́͑a̷͎̠̪̗̐̃͐̈́ͅm̵͎͔̭͉̑i̶̡̮͍̜̅l̷͓͈͙̇̉̓̈́̈î̶̥͓͉̙̽̃͛ͅḛ̵̪̦̅. Und das war noch bevor der Park aufgegeben und sich selbst überlassen wurde. Heute hat er nämlich einen postapokalyptischen Flair (den ich eigentlich ganz cool finde, ich mag diesen Vibe)

In den 90ern lief auf BBC die Sendung “Noel’s House Party” und weil der Charakter Mr Blobby unglaublich populär war (er hatte sogar einen Nummer-1-Hit in den britischen Charts), hat man sich dazu entschieden, einen ganzen Freizeitpark zu bauen, der sich nur um ihn dreht.

Der erste Park wurde 1994 in dem Dorf Cricket St. Thomas eröffnet. Ein Jahr nach der Eröffnung hatte Noel Edmonds, der Erfinder von “Noel’s House Party”, dann aber doch keinen Bock mehr und hat sich zurückgezogen. Daraufhin wurde der Park umgewandelt und das Dunblobbin-Haus wurde versiegelt - zumindest bis es in den 2000ern von Urban Explorers wiederentdeckt wurde. 2014 wurde das Haus letztendlich abgerissen, weil Leute Vandalismus betrieben und dort illegale Raves gefeiert haben.

But wait, there’s more, es gab noch einen anderen Freizeitpark in Morecambe, der sogar von Fuji, Mars und der British Rail gesponsert wurde. Die Anwohner waren nicht sonderlich begeistert und sind dagegen Sturm gelaufen, sodass der Park 13 Wochen nach seiner Eröffnung wieder geschlossen wurde. Habe ich erwähnt, dass das ganze Fiasko (das den Namen “Blobbygate” erhielt) den Steuerzahler 2,6 Millionen Pfund gekostet hat?

[weaversweek]

If I remember correctly, Mr Blobby started as a spoof of children’s telly, part of the set-up for the Gotcha Oscars. Think Candid Camera but with famous victims.

A minor celebrity is invited to film something for children, and act alongside this clumsy character Mr Blobby. As the filming session continues, the character gets more and more outrageous, and the celebrity gets more and more annoyed. All of this is captured by hidden cameras.

Eventually, the stunt reaches the limits of credibility, and collapses under its own silliness. Noel Edmonds steps out from inside the Mr Blobby costume, and everyone has a big laugh, because one person in five watched Noel’s House Party.

After the dozen or so Gotchas had aired, Noel Edmonds planned to retire the Mr Blobby character. But he reckoned without the public. The audience wanted more Blobby, and it got more Blobby. Three videos were released – a compilation of Blobby's Gotchas, and two Blobbyvision videos where the character turns up in hit television shows of the time.

For a time in early 1994, Blobby was almost as big a cultural thing as Take That or the Gladiators. Blobby was absolutely everywhere. He sold bow-ties. He sold soap. He sold duvet covers and squeaky toys and all sorts of bobbins. People watched Noel’s House Party for the pink-and-yellow creation, and not for Noel Edmonds.

hey girl uhhhh did you know that

blobbyland

[fuzzysparrow]

Which pink character with yellow spots had a UK Christmas number one single?

'Mr Blobby', performed by the character of the same name, is a song that became famous after appearing on Noel Edmond's television show 'Noel's House Party' in 1993. It earned the number one spot on the UK Singles Chart on 11th December 1993 for a week and reclaimed the top spot just before Christmas for a further three weeks. Despite its success, it is often ridiculed as the worst song ever.

Following its success, a music video was created for the 'Mr Blobby' song. It featured Mr Blobby, Noel Edmonds and several well-known British celebrities, including Carol Vorderman of 'Countdown' fame and Jeremy Clarkson, a presenter of 'Top Gear'.

Mr Blobby is a fictional character from the 'Noel's House Party', which aired on BBC1 between 1991 and 2000. He is described as a large pink blob covered with yellow spots. Mr Blobby has a tooth grin and large eyes that jiggle when he moves. The only word he knows how to say is "blobby", which he pronounces in various electronically produced voices.

As well as 'Mr Blobby', Mr Blobby released a Christmas song called 'Christmas in Blobbyland' in 1995. Whereas 'Mr Blobby' made it to Christmas number one, 'Christmas in Blobbyland' only made it to number 36 and was voted the worst Christmas song ever by the British public.

[btsybrkr]

Please Come Dine With Me

In today’s world of Netflix originals, glossy reality series and big budget drama, it’s easy to forget about TV’s old reliables. You know, the programmes with nothing to say, but so much to give. They’re the television equivalent of an ex that you can’t help but miss, despite having brought absolutely nothing to each other’s lives. The absolute king of this brand of TV can only be Come Dine With Me, the dinner party contest that began broadcasting in 1892 and has been playing simultaneously, on all 26 branches of Channel 4, at every hour of every day ever since. Seriously, flick through the channels, I can almost guarantee it’s on right now.

Come Dine With Me, now in its 37th series (I’m actually not making that bit up), must unironically be one of the best things to ever air in this country. During a casual viewing, it seems that nothing much happens, but a quick Google search unearths an absolute goldmine of unforgettable moments. Some have already been cemented into pop culture history, destined to be repeated on ‘100 Greatest...’ clip shows until the sun swallows the Earth whole - like the man who decided to sample a sauce he was making by nonchalantly shoving the whole whisk into his mouth, or sore loser Peter Marsh’s ‘you won, Jane’ speech, which is, in my opinion, a hundred times more brutal than anything Ricky Gervais could or would ever come out with whilst presenting an awards ceremony. Others are unfortunately never spoken about, but remain a vivid memory in the consciousness of the lucky viewers who caught them, such as the moment a particularly eccentric contestant, known only as DJ Dom, drafted in indie musician Badly Drawn Boy to help him cook for his ‘Madchester’ themed dinner party, before telling the viewers “All done, just got to go and change me kecks!” and coming back downstairs in the exact same outfit, right down to the bucket hat. Or the iconic Preston week from series 7, in which we were introduced to so-posh-it-hurts Valerie Holliday, whose pronunciation of the word ‘pheasant’ (or fezzaaaunt, as she might say) is superglued to the insides of my brain, where it will stay for the rest of my days. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I’m sure we’ve all, at some point, had the ‘who would be invited to your dream dinner party?’ conversation with our friends or family, but what we should really be asking each other is “who would be on your dream episode of Come Dine With Me?”. If you think about it, they’re two very different questions, with very different answers. Of course, I’d love the chance to sit and speak with Tom Hanks, Mac Demarco and Phoebe Waller-Bridge over a glass of wine and a really good burger, but do I think it would make entertaining TV? Well, yeah, probably. But not on Come Dine With Me. That’s a horse of a very different colour.

Anyway, here’s what my dream episode of Come Dine With Me might look like. Narrated in your brain by Dave Lamb, probably.

Today, we’re in Blackpool, where our first contestant, 23-year-old chronic timewaster Betsy (that’s me!), is gearing up to host the opening night of the week, and we’re sure it’s going to be an absolute belter. Let’s see what her fellow dinner party guests make of the menu.

“A cheeseboard? As a starter? What’s that about?”, asks living soundbite and reality TV icon, Gemma Collins. She’s unimpressed with the menu, largely on the basis that it pales in comparison to the sort of luxury she’s used to, such as the gourmet camel penis she could have been tucking into on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! In 2014, had she not packed it in after three days. Actually, I think the celebrity version of Come Dine With Me might be the only reality programme that Gemma Collins is yet to appear in. Maybe we should be writing to the powers-that-be at Channel 4 and getting them to sort that out, since I’ll surely be making a strong case for her appearance here. Anyway, who’s next?

Our third contestant is equally disappointed with the offerings. “I don’t fuck with stilton”, states the self-proclaimed second coming of Jesus, Kanye West. Yes, he’s an odd choice for a daytime cookery/popularity contest, especially since I’m almost 100% sure he doesn’t cook for himself under any circumstances, and is probably only popular among people who’ve never had to try and sit through an actual conversation with him, but who cares? Kanye does what Kanye wants. And if Kanye wants to appear on Come Dine With Me, then that’s his business, and he’ll shit in the Yeezys of anybody who disagrees. Or pay someone else to do it for him, obviously. Anyway, onto contestant number four, who can surely only be disappointing after that… can’t they?

Of course not!! Contestant number four is TV’s shouty queen-of-clean Kim Woodburn, who is really excited to get her teeth into some red hot beef. Not the food kind, either. The kind of beef she dished out to Philip Schofield, while he was asking her questions about the beef she dished out in her fondly-remembered ‘chicken-livered bunch’ rant from Celebrity Big Brother. She’ll be glad to know I’m not serving any chicken livers at my dinner party, I’m sure. Not that she’ll be particularly enamoured with my cooking skills overall.

“It all looks terribly common, darling”, she says, as she holds the menu in one Marigold-wearing hand, and a glass of an expensive gin in the other. Suit yourself, then, Kim.

Contestant number five hasn’t bothered to read the menu yet, but that’s because he’s been busy begging the Channel 4 producers on set for another series of Deal Or No Deal now that his hefty I’m A Celebrity paycheck is all but gone. Yes, it’s Noel Edmonds, TV’s favourite bearded arsehole. After Alan Sugar, of course, but I’ve already written a bit about him on here, so there’d be no point in putting him in this one as well. You know, someone I knew a few years back once told me that Noel Edmonds did a guest lecture at his university, in which he offered some lucky students the chance to spend their summer doing a couple of months unpaid work experience on his radio show. Imagine that! Spending day-in-day-out with Noel Edmonds, without even a penny in compensation. I know they say ‘life’s not fair’, but that really would be pushing it. 

Anyway, that’s everyone, and as I anxiously pour boiling water into five chicken and mushroom Pot Noodles, my all-star dinner guests begin to arrive. First at the doorstep is Kim, who I greet with open arms. 

“Wonderful to meet you, luvvie”, she says. The worried glance she gives the camera afterwards tells me otherwise. Perhaps she’s unimpressed by my unshiny door handle. That’s not a euphemism. 

Gemma and Noel arrive soon afterwards, both carrying bottles of champagne that I couldn’t possibly ever afford myself. They’re not to share, of course, they were bought in anticipation that the wine I’m providing wouldn’t be up to standard, which it is, because I’m serving all my courses with a glass of Summer Berries Echo Falls. It’s £5.99 a bottle and gets you absolutely Bankered. 

We mingle in the living room, eagerly anticipating the arrival of my final guest. Just as Gemma, Kim and Noel begin bonding over the trials of being paid many thousands of pounds to sit around and simply exist for the viewing pleasures of mere mortals like myself, Kanye West teleports himself into the room, in a futuristic flash of lightning and to the tune of his 2010 hit Power, blowing a massive hole into the entire left side of my house in the process. It’s true what he says, you know - the man really is a genius.

We take our seats at the dinner table, as soon as the rest of my guests are done with the obligatory search through my knicker drawer (cue a comeback for Kim’s famous How Clean Is Your House? catchphrase, “Oh, you dirty devil!”) that happens on every edition of Come Dine With Me. You know, despite everything else on the programme, that’s the one bit of it that I’ve never really understood. Every single one of the show’s 1,647 episodes includes a bizarre sequence in which the contestants go running around the host’s home, rifling through their personal belongings and mocking them for the cameras. I’m sure the point of it is supposed to be to give the guests a chance to ‘get to know’ the host, but then I’d have thought that spending five nights eating and chatting with them would be a fairly effective way of doing that. Besides, can you imagine catching your guests doing that in real life? I wouldn’t be sitting them down for a meal and rating them for a chance to win £1,000, I’d be throwing them out, maybe even calling the police, depending on what exactly they were doing with the belongings in question. Not that I have time to think about that right now, I’ve got a cheeseboard to prepare!

First topic of conversation is, of course, TV, and as we tuck into our Ritz biscuits and Tesco Value mature cheddar, Noel gives us his opinion.

“My main issue with television these days is that I’m just not on it enough.” A valid viewpoint. We take a moment to collectively long for the days of Noel’s HQ, a drunken nightmare that was somehow harnessed and broadcast to the masses by Sky1, way back in 2008. Noel’s HQ has been mostly lost to time, except for the presence of a video on YouTube entitled ‘Noel Edmonds speaks with passion’, which is well worth a watch if, like me, you enjoy four minute long videos of TV presenters struggling to stifle their own belief that they might just be The Best Person Ever. There’s a great bit in it where he angrily declares to his delighted audience, “I don’t get paid a penny for doing this show”. Noel, I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you for your sacrifice. 

Speaking of The Best Person Ever, Kanye is noticeably quiet. But then, Kanye isn’t here to share his views. Kanye isn’t particularly here to do anything. Kanye is simply here to observe - to greet his subjects, and work out what makes them tick. Kanye can sense our excitement to be sat in his presence, and Kanye enjoys this. It feeds Kanye. Far more than my meager dinner offerings ever could.

I press Gemma for her own opinions on TV, as someone who is literally always on it. Gemma Collins gets where Domestos can’t. It may sound like I’m being flippant, but in all honesty, I love Gemma Collins. I’m not even sure why, I just know I do. She’s famous for the sake of being famous, and she’s bloody good at it. She’s also quite possibly the most quotable public figure since Shakespeare himself. Maybe even more than Shakespeare. Think about it. What inspires you more? “To be or not to be?”, like anyone knows what that actually means, or “Nah, fuck this, I’m out of here. Get that fire exit door. Am off.”, a poetic sentiment, which conveys an emotion we’ve surely all felt at some point in our lives? I know who gets my vote.

Kim misunderstands the question “what do you think of television today?” as “how clean do you think my television is?”, and responds by pulling out a five pack of dusters and a can of Mr Sheen, and getting to work on the flatscreen in the corner of my living room. Oh well, at least all that cleaning will make her hungry in time for the main course. Speaking of which, maybe it’s time I got on with that.

Despite their disappointment with the starters, the main course - Super Noodle sandwiches, with a generous side-helping of curly fries - appears to delight all my guests, except Kim, who mutters under her breath that it all seems very tacky. I won’t let it get me down. It’s my heartfelt belief that anything can be a sandwich filling if you’re brave enough, and my other three guests agree with me. Kanye lets out a satisfied ‘hm’. Excellent. 

We sit down to dessert, and another glass of Echo Falls. The wine is going down surprisingly well, especially with Kim, who has started subtly rolling her eyes at the conversation between myself and Gemma Collins, who are bonding over how much we love Gemma Collins. Kim purses her lips. Her Spidey-senses are tingling. There’s conflict afoot. 

I quiz Noel about an article that I saw in 2015 and have never forgotten. It was featured on The Independent, and was headlined ‘Noel Edmonds says that ‘death doesn’t exist’ and that ‘Electrosmog’ is more deadly than Ebola’. I know that this sounds like something I just came up with, but I regret to tell you that is absolutely something he said. In real life. I’ll give you a minute to take that in.

Noel Edmonds reaffirms this view to me, speaking with the same unnerving passion he did in the YouTube clip I mentioned earlier. I nod politely. I begin to wonder if everyone’s had a little too much Echo Falls, and if I can really handle another four nights with these people. It’s at this moment that, for the first time all night, His Almighty Westness speaks. 

“I really feel what you’re saying right now”, he tells Noel. We wait together for the next part of the statement, but it never comes. Kanye West outstretches his arm to Noel Edmonds. They shake hands. None of us can quite believe it. And for a moment, Noel and Kanye are right. It does feel as though death doesn’t exist. Nothing exists outside of this dinner party. Everything that matters is happening around my dining table at this very second. 

The silence is broken by Kim Woodburn tutting into a wine glass. 

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake,” she drawls, rolling her eyes, “What a load of nonsensical tosh.”

“Excuse me?”, asks Noel, still hand-in-hand with Kanye West, an alliance he is clearly eager to keep going for as long as possible, on the off chance that he fancies funding another series of Noel’s House Party, “I don’t see you bringing anything to the table here, Kim.”

She widens her eyes, taking another generous gulp of Echo Falls - and I know exactly what she’s about to bring to the table. A big old fight. 

Gemma Collins throws in her two cents. 

“I think we should all calm down a little bit, d’ya know what I mean? I’m having a lovely meal at a fan’s house, I can’t be arsed with an argument.” Wise words, as always, Gemma. Wise words.

It all kicks off.

“You can be quiet, you talentless, orange foghorn!”, sneers Kim, “You’ve contributed nothing to the conversation this evening, other than talking about yourself.”

Gemma’s eyes seem to cloud over with anger, as her complexion quickly transitions from Dulux shade Tangerine Twist to Cranberry Crunch. She knocks the rest of her wine back. Everything goes quiet again for a moment, as Noel, Kanye and I watch the two TV divas stare at each other. It’s like a scene from an old Western, but with diamonds and veneers.

With a violent roar, she launches herself across the table, grabbing Kim by her fake ponytail. I jump up to hold her back, as Kanye leaps from his seat to hold Kim from Gemma. There’s a mad blur of acrylic nails and tufts of bleach blonde hair flying between them, some of it landing into the banoffee pie I had worked so hard on. Noel stands back, arms folded, watching the action in dismay. If you could see the whole picture, it might resemble a renaissance painting, the sort that could be hung in a gallery anywhere in the world and analysed for it’s artistic importance. ‘Nous aimons le boeuf’, it might be called. French for ‘we love the beef’. Doesn’t really matter it means, though, to be fair, as long as it sounds clever and artsy.

Noel shakes his head. 

“What the hell am I doing here?”, he asks, frustrated, “I’m a huge TV star.”

Security eventually intervene, somewhat reluctantly, given the fact this is the most action they’ve seen on a shoot for Come Dine With Me, possibly ever. Producers watch back the footage of the fight on an iPad, sat on my sofa, attempting to mask their delight at what they’d caught on camera.

Kanye eventually stands up, soberly taking in the scene in front of him. Is this how Jay-Z felt as he left the elavator?, he wonders.

“I’m gonna take off”, he informs everyone, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room in the aftermath. But before he can teleport out of the room again, possibly blowing a hole in the other side of my house, the producer speaks up.

“Same time tomorrow? It’s Gemma’s night.”

Four more nights of this… four more nights, all for the chance to win £1,000… is it worth it? 

Of course it is. It was a blast. Same time tomorrow, indeed.

To see some highlights from the iconic Preston week of Come Dine With Me, click here. To see Noel Edmonds speak with passion, click here. To follow me on twitter, click here, or here for instagram :)

[funface2]

Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews

He’s a mainstay of long-running panel show Have I Got News For You, and now funny-man Paul Merton is on a mission to unearth long-lost ancestors as part of BBC One’s Who Do You Think You Are?

To celebrate the quick-quipper’s nearly 40-year career, we’ve compiled almost as many of his best jokes and one-liners from his work on HIGNFY and beyond.

“I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”

Angus Deayton: “And did you chat with the Queen Mother?” Paul Merton: “We talked about you.” Angus Deayton: “No, you didn’t.” Paul Merton: “Yes, we did.” Angus Deayton: “What did she say about me?” Paul Merton: “I’ve never heard such language in all my life.”

“I’ll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I’ve never got over it.”

“If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there’s no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don’t tell me you haven’t done it.”

“I don’t consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.”

Ian Hislop: “And they’re behind Theresa May like Stormtroopers!” Paul Merton: “You’re having one of your turns again, Ian! You asked us to tell you when it happens! His nose bleeds when he has to deal with Popular Culture…”

“I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other’s post.”

(Photo: BBC)

“Every story ever written’s in the Dictionary! You just have to put the words in the right order.”

“Gromit is one of the great silent comedians. He’s up there with Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. He may even be above them, because he’s still working.”

Sean Lock: “Only 2% of people go to church in this country.” Paul Merton: “And they’re priests!”

Jacob Rees-Mogg: “We know the plan! We are going to leave the EU! Brexit means Brexit!” Paul Merton: “That’s the Aim! What’s the plan?”

“My school days were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I’ve endured over the past 25 years.”

“All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds – I can’t stand Noel Edmonds.”

“Bono was up on stage saying ‘Every time I click my fingers, a child dies!’ and someone yelled ‘Well, stop clicking your fingers, then!’”

“The first Underground station ever opened was Baker Street in 1906. What was the point of that? Where would you go?”

[On Chris Evans] “He’s got the look of a comedian but without the talent or the writing ability or the timing.”

(Photo: Getty)

“On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn’t, he said: ‘Do you mind if I mug you here?’”

Clive Anderson: “Do you still live in Islington as well, Boris?” Boris Johnson: “Partly, yes.” Paul Merton: “I don’t think you live on the planet Earth, never mind Islington!”

“It’s amazing how many people think they’ve got dignity to lose, isn’t it?”

[On the Queen at Harry and Meghan’s reception] “She’ll have a footman chucking cheesy Wotsits at her.”

“Am I the only one who’s always tempted to light the wick on top of a beret?”

“My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time also. It fell on her.”

“Anne Widdecombe is the Odd One Out because she’s the only one holding a Decapitated Barn Owl.”

“There are various ways to give up smoking – nicotine patches, nicotine gum. My auntie used to pour a gallon of petrol over herself every morning.”

Frankie Boyle: “A new Superbreed of Sex-Mad, Sleepless Slugs has arrived from Spain.” Paul Merton: “Ah, an Alliterative Threat!”

(Photo: BBC)

“My hair’s got a life of its own. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette…”

[On reading the A to Z] “Can’t wait to see what happens at the end. The characters aren’t up to much but the places, they seem so real.”

“I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You’d always get some bloke complaining that he couldn’t see the screen. It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’”

“Mugabe is a Yorkshireman in reverse. Because his name is Ee by gum backwards. 37 years waiting for that laugh…”

“You’ve heard of Sheep gambolling in the meadows, well it was Poker they were playing!”

Paul Merton: “He doesn’t look old enough to have been a Milkman for 50 years!” Host: “They start them very young there. As soon as you can reach the udder, you’re away.” Paul Merton: “That’s not just Milkmen. For many people, that’s a good night out!”

“It’s silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the south for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit.”

Paul Merton: “There are other reasons for squinting in bed, of course.” Angus Deayton: “Such as?” Paul Merton: “Use your imagination, Angus! We’d send out a search party for it, but they’d never come back!”

“Michael Gove! That is how a man dresses when his wife doesn’t see him leaving the house.”

(Photo: BBC)

Host: “But who would have loved to have been there? Justin O’ Schmidt!” Paul Merton: “Did the vicar drop him at the Baptism?”

“I’ve never been disappointed by politicians. I’ve never invested that much in them in the first place.”

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Bài viết Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/paul-mertons-36-best-jokes-and-funniest-one-liners-from-have-i-got-news-for-you-inews/

[gayness-and-mayhem]

Ok bitches I think I've found it and I don't know what to do with myself now bc I feel like I just entered an alternate reality.

Sorry, Bea Arthur was on Noel's fucking House Party? Is there a link bc I need to see that shit more than I've ever needed to see anything else before in my life.

[donaldboycom]

Crinkley Bottom

Crinkley Bottom, also popularly referred to as Blobbyland, was the operating title for a series of British theme parks operating in the 1990s. They were created by Noel Edmonds based on the fictional village of Crinkley Bottom where the Noel’s House Party television programme was based. The parks operated based on the popularity of Mr Blobby. Three parks were operated under the Crinkley Bottom…

[bracketsoffear]

Yongma Land "From Atlas Obscura: There is a small abandoned theme park in Seoul, South Korea, with a quieted carousel, bleached-out images of ’80s pop icons, and “dodgem” cars that have long-since quit dodging. But unlike most amusement parks that have gone idle, this one invites the public to share in its slow crumble.

Yongma Land was built in 1980, and had a fairly solid run as a small family-oriented amusement park. By 2011 tastes had moved on, and with attendance dwindling it closed down. Despite stories of a haunting or two, the root of its demise was likely just a matter of profit, when the construction of several, much larger and better located, theme parks lured the thrill-seekers away.

Now in the hands of an enterprising local businessman, the old Yongma Land is open again, but this time to revel in the poignant charm of its decay. For a small charge of 10,000 won per adult (about $9, a bit more for professionals) and 5,000 won per child, visitors are free to roam the old rides, no fence-jumping needed. And for 30,000 won, the owner will turn on the lights of the ghostly merry-go-round for you after 8:00 pm.

The fading colors and jumbled figures have proven attractive for musicians and other artists too, inspiring several K-pop videos (most notably Crayon Pop’s “Bar Bar Bar” video) and other photo shoots. With piles of dodgem (or bumper) cars, a rusting octopus ride, a Viking ship, and a displaced clown-motif roller coaster, there is still plenty of carney magic to inspire even amateur photographers."

Crinkley Bottom/Blobbyland "A series of theme parks inspired by the fictional village from the tv show Noel's House Party to capitalize on the popularity of Mr Blobby. The first park, located in Cricket St Thomas in Somerset, was based around an existing wildlife park and the Cricket House country estate. The Crinkley Bottom park was based around Mr Blobby with a Blobby-themed house called "Dunblobbin" being the main attraction. After Noel Edmonds backed out of the park, the park was rebranded, though it didn't last long until it was closed down and sealed off in 1997. In the 2000s, urban explorers rediscovered the abandoned Dunblobbin' house which led to more people returning to Cricket St Thomas to see it. The owners of the land initially blocked off the site, eventually demolishing Dunblobbin' in 2014 due to vandalism and the holding of illegal raves.

Another locale was in Morecambe, Lancashire. The Morecambe council wanted something to boost tourism so they signed a deal with Noel Edmonds to build a Blobby theme park. Poor planning and negligence resulted in the ruin of the town's main natural park, and even more so, the ruin of tourism in Morecambe altogether. More info on this park can be found in this video"

[bunnziebobcat]

Fan Art Friday - Mr Blobby

Twenty-five years ago, a creation of Noel Edmonds graced the Christmas number one with his own single. First created for the Gotcha segments for Noel's House Party, Mr Blobby became a popular character on one of BBC-1's most popular Saturday evening programmes of the 1990's. (And just for good measure, here is this year's Christmas Number One - Ladbaby's We Built This City on Sausage Rolls)